Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Warkah Wardah

These are some entries of letters from novel Warkah Cinta Berbau Syurga..

Amir.. aku sunyi tanpamu, aku teramat sunyi.. aku perlu luahkan jua walaupun pd sekeping krts. engkau mgkin tdk tahu bgmn sepi di hatiku bukan? @ engkau mengetahuinya? adakah engkau dpt merasainya? mgkin ya, mgkin tidak. aku yakin engkau tidak tahu bgmn aku menjalani hari2 di sini. hatta keluargaku dan rakanku juga tdk tahu. aku menderita dlm dunia yg kuhuni sendirian.

tetapi jgn bimbang, semua org menganggapku bahagia. mrk lihat aku sering tersenyum. krn aku pandai sekali berjenaka, makanku juga penuh selera. tmbhn pula aku tdk trlalu memilih makanan. mandiku juga basah dan pakaianku kemas. bukankah ak simple dan bersih, pasti aku menjaga penampilanku. jelasnya ak kelihatan ckup bertenaga di mata mrk. hakikatnya, ak amt lemah. ak tidak mampu merubah perasaan sendiri.

aku menangis stiap kali brsendirian di bilik. air mata akn tumpah dan bunyi esakan mnjadi lagu hati yg tdk mampu kupujuk sjk dahulu hingga kini, ak tdk minta semua ini, tetapi Tuhan berikan juga. spnjg 3thn ini, ak cuba sedaya upaya melupakanmu. ak bersolat hajat dan berdoa setiap mlm, kerapkali jg aku brtahajjud, kemudian brmunajat kpd Tuhan meminta agr dilunturkan perasaan ini.. ak rayu, rintih dan pohon sepenuh hati agr figuramu keluar dr hatiku.

akhirnyaa apa yg brlaku?

sungguh! hingga skrg ak masih tidak mampu.

walhal, engkau antara lelaki ego yg prnh kutemui. bukan sekali engkau buat hatiku terluka dan sakit. mlh stiap kali brcakap dgnmu, engkau akn brsikap dingin dan membela diri. stiap kali ak mendekatimu, engkau akn larikan pandangan dan mnjadikan ak rendah diri. bila ak brckp soal perasaan, engkau akn tukar bicara dan menasihatkan ak supaya tdk pergi trlalu jauh. engkau sering buat ak tertanya2 apa yg ada dlm hatimu. hingga aku ak rasa spt perempuan murahan, terhegeh2 mndekatimu sdgkn engkau lgsg tdk memandangku.

selama ini ak tlh dipujuk brkali2 oleh lelaki lain utk menerima mrk. semuanya ak tolak. aku fikir, mrk semua trlalu lemah sehingga dtg merayu pdku. benar, timba dtg mncari perigi. tetapi ak tdk suka lelaki yg trlalu mgharap.

bukankah bunga bukan sekuntum?

kenapa memaksa seseorg utk menyintai sesuatu yg tidak mereka mahu?

tetapi berbeza dgnmu. aku fikir engkau trlalu jauh di atasku. shingga ak sntiasa mengimpikan dirimu dtg kpdku, melamarku dan membawaku brsamamu. itulah impianku smnjk pertama kali kau menegurku dgn sepatah salam dn sekeping surat. surat pertamamu kubaca berkali2 dan ianya spt sihir yg menusuk ke jiwa. engkau bukan meminta ak agr menerimamu spt lelaki lain. tapi engkau memintaku mnjadi kwn yg saling membimbing kpd agama. kau bilang mahu saling menasihati dan mahu aku menemanimu..

sebetulnya surat pertamamu cukup mmbuat ak trpukul. ada riak sombong dan ego di dlmnya. mgkin itu bukan hsratmu, brgkali engkau trlalu memandang tinggi pd diri sendiri tnpa kau sedari. tetapi itulah bezamu drp lelaki lain, engkau tdk merayu dan mgharap apa2 dariku. malah, aku kagumi dirimu krn memliki ilmu dan kesedaran agama. pantas shj ak menerimamu sbg kwn.

ramai lelaki yg mndekatiku dan mahu mnjadikan ak pasangan mrk. aku tolak, ak katakan kpd mrk dgn baik. kemudian ada yg brkeras, hingga ak trpaksa brperang dgn keadaan. ak meluahkan kesusahanku kpdmu. lalu engkau dgn egonya mengatakan bhw kt tiada apa2 yg istimewa.

" kt sekadar kwn yg saling mmbimbing dlm prkara kebaikan. tdk lebih dri itu. antara kt tiada apa2 yg istimewa. jk dirimu mncari atau menerima seseorg, aku tidak akn mghalang." aduh, bicaramu bnr2 buat hati wanitaku menangis. aku fikir engkau akn cuba membelaku dn mengurangkan bebananku. ternyata, engkau melepaskan tgn. engkau tdk prnh mnjelaskn isi hatimu pdku. hingga ak jd walah utk brkongsi perasaan sndri..

Amir..engkau mmg sombong! engkau sering menjauhkan diri setiap kali ak cuba berkata sesuatu pdmu. krn itu ak masih terkejar2 cintamu.

Amir.. aku mahu menjadi gadis itu. gadis yg engkau harapkan.. aku masih mehukannya walaupun aku sudah berkahwin..

oh Tuhan, maafkan aku.

surat seterusnya...

Amir, aku sakit Amir..aku akan mati. aku tahu itulah yg doktor beritahu suamiku. aku tdk takut utk mati Amir. aku cuma takut jika aku tdk lagi boleh menulis utkmu..Amir..

kerana aku cintakan hati dan sikapmulah ak masih boleh berdiri di sini. krn sikapmu mengajarku erti cintakan Allah. dan kini slps ak gagal mndpt cintamu, aku yakin aku masih ada cinta Allah. dgn pgharapan cinta kpd Allah dan serpihan cintamulah aku jadikan bekalan utk terus hidup di dunia ini. cintakan manusia telah sama skali kulupakan. krn aku sudah jemu dgn kepalsuan cinta manusia.

cuma apa yg aku sesalkan adlh sikapmu yg trlalu ego kpdku. lntaran keegoanmu itulah juga aku rasakan aku brtepuk sblh tgn. walaupun hatiku kuat mengatakan engkau juga menyintaiku tetapi keegoanmu lebih kuat utk menolaknya. justeru itulah aku menerima shj lamaran yg dtg. bgku x perlu lg ak mmberitahumu dan brbincang dgnmu. krn aku yakin jwpn yg akn engkau berikan adlh sama dan akn mmbuatku lebih samar. aku tekad. biarlah ibubapaku yg menentukan jodohku. biarlah keegoanmu menagtasi cintaku.

malangnya, ak tdk menjumpai sikap yg ada pdmu dlm diri suamiku. itu mmbuatkan aku sering berdosa mmbndingkan dirinya dgn dirimu. suamiku tdk prnah bercerita tntg agama sptmana warkah bisumu yg sering kau berikan. hal ini membuatkan aku bnr2 merinduimu.

aku tahu, kematianku makin mghampiri. bukankah itu lebih baik utkku, Amir?
aduh..Tuhan, aku tidak dpt hidup begini.
Amir, aku sgt cintakanmu. ketahuilah Amir, Wardah sgt2 menyintai Amir Mukhlis.
Amir, bilakah engkau akn dtg kepadaku?

>> Fifah kata novel ni byk sgt persamaannya ngn kisah aku, dat's y she suggest for me to read dis novel, tp bg aku, citer ni terlalu byk perbezaannya especially perwatakan Amir dgn 'dia' yg jauh beza bagai langit ngn bumi.. sory 2 say la, totally different..

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Warkah Cinta Berbau Syurga

Assalamualaikum wbt...

I'd already finished red this novel yesterday.. actually, so long didn't read novel coz dn't want be 'jiwang2' anymore.. but this novel have a different aura that make me wanna finish my reading as soon as possible..

It's an islamic novel abt Al-Azhar univ. student, Amir Mukhlis with his life as a true muslim, he really strict abt relationship with muslimah.. while Wardah, a girl with pure heart wishing for love from Amir Mukhlis.. she defend her love alone, by herself... whereas Amir just wait n accept all the faith without any wishes or actions to hold the relationship..

Wardah becomes confuse when Amir never show any positive respons to their relationship.. till someday, Wardah has been force to married with Syamsul.. but her life after maried isn't like her dream before.. Syamsul is not a true muslim like Amir, it make Wardah's life become stressfull..

No one know abt her suffering except pieces of papers.. wardah wrote all her suffer and feeling on those papers.. wardah spent a whole life to write till the end of her breath.. after she died, Rahim as Wardah's cousin give all those letters to Amir.. those letters very touched.. Amir hvn't strong enough to hold his tears..

At the same time, Balqis comes to Amir's life, but Amir couldn't accept it coz deep in his heart just Wardah can stay there dulu, kini dan selamanya...

InsyaAllah I'll post a bit entry from those letters.. but I strongly suggest to all to read that novel, coz it's differ from others 'jiwang novel'..it's not a jiwang novel, but an islamic novel that can give a spirit to become a true muslim and avoiding us from become 'hamba nafsu'...

"kekadang kita tak menghargai seseorang yg menyintai kita sepenuh hatinya,
sehinggalah kita kehilangannya...
pada saat itu tiada guna lagi penyesalan,
kerana perginya tiada berpatah lagi..."

Monday, December 21, 2009

~New Life~

As life goes on,
many things come and goes..
i'm starting to learn
more and more about lessons
from everything that happened in the past

i realize that everything i'd done before
affecting my life right now..
i know it's useless to regret now
coz everything already happened,
nothing more I can do to recover it.

all I can do is try to make a new life,
make it better than before,
and take a lesson from every stupid mistakes...
leave all the unbenefical things,
leave all the stupid things,

now is the time to wake up..
now is the time to forget all the histories,
now is the time to make a new life...

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret." Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Sunday, December 20, 2009

OPKIM d'Mahsuri

Date : 13th - 18th nov 2009
Venue : Langkawi, Kedah
Organizer : Persatuan Kebajikan Mahasiswa Kedah ( PKMK )

This is my 1st trip to Langkawi after waiting 4 a long time.. one more time, I got new 'mom & dad'.. afifah and me stayed at our adopted family for 5days.. really enjoy stayed there coz our mom very likes cooking smpai brt bdn aku naik 2kg coz asyik mkn je..hehe.. but there was a bit different with their food.. I heard 'pat pet' ( myb not correct spelling.hehe) 4 the 1st time.. it's a bit similar to paprik, but 'pat pet' have a yellow colour, myb coz use kunyit..

with our adopted family

adik wafi yg teramat comey.... but very hyperactive..

within 5days been there, I think almost a whole Langkawi were visited.. there's a lot of attractive places were visited like Kilim Geoforest Park that give a wonderfull experience travel with boat, Oriental Village that offer a great journey to gunung Mat Cincang with cable car, a legend history at Kota Mahsuri etc.

kt puncak gunung mat cincang yg berkabus..

bot tersedia utk membawa pelancong melewati sg kilim..

kt sangkar ikan sg kilim..

there's also has a lot of beautifull beaches such as Pantai Tanjung Rhu, Teluk Yu, Pantai Pasir Hitam etc..

pantai tanjung rhu... from here, we can reach the island at the back at evening, lpas air laut surut.. sini juga trdpt byk siput, sgt sedap bila digoreng..

pantai pasir hitam... tp kenapa pasir dia hitam ek???

merenung air laut yg membiru...

this program also include activities with villagers.. Malam Apresiasi Gemilang provided a 'great show' from UKM's students.. there were dikir barat, pentomin, acting, and nasyeed..

persembahan dikir barat drp mahasiswi.. xsgka hazirah ada bakat jd 'tok jogho dikir'..hehe

rehearsal nasyid..

'canting batik' maybe more enjoyable.. especially to an 'art soul' person like me..hehe.. there was also had 'cantik batik' activity.. everyone can try to colour it depend to personal creativity..

belajar mencanting batik...

org belakang dk intai aku canting batik..nk tiru ler 2..huhu

finished already.. not bad, tp xlawa sgt ak warna, mklum la xreti mewarna, melukis reti la...

4 a conclusion, this trip was really enjoyable, but a bit unsatisfied with some unexpected program and 'unexpected person'...

"Janji untuk melaksanakan kewajipan tidak penting, tetapi
sentiasa menyedari kewajipan itulah yang penting." - J. LINDWORSKY


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Investment Analysis and Portfolio Management

Syukur Alhamdulillah n Horrrreeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!
finally, exam season is over.. but juz 4 dis sem, next sem ad lg..hmm~
tp yg paling bestnye, tonite xyah lg nk tido berselimutkan nota n past year questions, tido bermimpikan formula n rumus2, kalkulator etc..hehe

any way, I've finished my last paper exam just now dat is Investment Analysis and Portfolio Management paper.. I thought it's not too tough, tp rupa2nya very tough!!!! soalan susah tahap petala ke-8!!! ada ke patut question adapted from SOA exam???? bnda yg xblaja lgsg dlm kls bleh kuar exm??? eee~.. but never mind, it's already over.. nothing more I can do except doa je byk2 smoga Dr Saiful Hafizah baik aty turunkn ckt graf.. nsib baik je carry mark tinggi, klu x down lg~

since all de formula, rumus2 n sgala mcm ilmu abt investment ni still fresh at my mind, I think it's better if I'm share all those things here.. myb it can gve information 2 u all abt investment n portfolio..

ok, 1stly, wht is portfolio?? portfolio is combination of two @ more assets with a certain weight so that can reduce risk.. as we know, almost assets @ stocks and any others thing in our life as well have their risk.. but by use portfolio management, we can reduce the risk by diversification... nape plop diversification ni?? myb some people didn't know wht's dat..

let me gve a simple example.. ok, stock A have a high risk but can give also high return, while stock B have a lower risk and also lower return.. if u all as an investors, which stock u'll buy?? think 1st b4 read my explaination below...

ok, solutionnya... It's better if we get both stocks.. y?? coz by using diversification (kepelbagaian), we can buy both stocks but in certain weight, so dat the risk can be reduce.. logically, low risk + high risk = medium risk.. return dia plak kna kira by using it's formula la... W1R1+ W2R2 = Rp.... actually byk lg rumus2 yg kna gna utk dptkn return drp different risk, but the way I want to show u all is, "never put all eggs in one busket".. same with investment, never invest ur money in an asset, but put it in different asset sbg lgkh brjga2...

but, bear in ur mind, invest in different asset xsmestinya btul2 selamat.. kna tgk pula kpd thp korelasi @ kaitan antara kedua2 aset.. yg paling selamat klu both asset not related even juz a little corelation, n it's better if both asset have -ve correlation.. jd, klu 1 aset down, the other 1 xjatuh.. so selamat la duit yg kt invest 2...

if we talk abt investmnt, some people juz think abt stock (saham).. actually byk lg cbg2 invstmnt yg lain spt bond, opsyen etc... bond is a debt instrument that issued and must be paid back by monthly or certain period of time (named as coupon) with some interest... whoa..xsgka, ak ingt lg definitionnya..hehe~

terdpt juga zero coupon bond which is no need to pay back monthly @ certain period, juz pay at maturity date with interest + face value... face value 2 duit yg dipinjm xtrmasuk interest... maturity date plak tarikh perjnjian utk byk balik pnjaman... this is formula 4 zero coupon bond price, PV/ ( 1+r )T....

simple example 4 contract bond, let say PLUS need some money 2 make a new highway.. but they hven't enough money abt RM50,000 to start dat project.. so PLUS will issued (jual) a bond to public, then get the money.. after 5 years, the highway is finished n PLUS get back their money from government or byrn tol yg dikenakan kpd pengguna highway.. then PLUS will pay back dat money to bond buyer plus some interest myb abt RM60,000..

hmm, bykkn benefit belajar investment ni, boleh biakkan duit.. drp simpn je dlm bank dgn interest xsmpai 3%, better la investkan je duit 2... tp pndai2 la nk invest kt mn, cri institusi pelaburan yg halal, bukan yg konvensional...

lastly, ak nk lampirkn some important formula utk blajar invstment ni.. biar korang tau belajar investmnt ni bukannye senang tau..hehe~

1 - ni dia rumus Black-Shcoles.. penat aku hafal..tp xkuar pn dlm exm..hampeh!!
2 - Capital Asset Pricing Model (teori perletakan harga),

E(ri) = rf + βi(E(rm) + rf)

3 - Return 4 portfolio,

E(rp) = W1 E(r1) + W2 E(r2),

where, W1 = ( σ22 – cov(r1r2) )/( σ12 + σ22 – 2cov(r1r2)),

and, W2 = 1 – W1

4 - Risk 4 portfolio,

σp2 = w12σ12 + w22σ22 + 2w1w2Cov(r1r2)


"Orang bijaksana tidak sesekali duduk meratapi kegagalannya,
tapi dengan lapang hati mencari jalan bagaimana memulihkan kembali kerugian yang dideritainya"

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