Sorry For The Way I Wrote

Note : Please read this entry with cool mode, not with angry mode or 'nada sinis'. 

First thing I want to wish here, "thanx a lot to someone for ur comment abt my blog yesterday." such a meaningful thing for me coz it make me realize tht the way I wrote in this blog might be hurt somebody when they red. I think abt his comment for the whole last night. so, here I ask apologize to everybody if I had been hurting you all by the way I wrote here. 

I admit tht I always use such annoying sentences, condemning someone in my previous entries and it might be hurt some readers even actually they are not related at all with any annoying words here. so sorry for that.  

Normally every annoying sentences I wrote tribute for some related person. so, please to all.. please dn't get hurt if the sentences are not related to you as a reader. I dn't mean to hurt anybody,  I juz wrote it coz I want to release all my feelings, all my sadnesses, and all my expressions since I dn't know wht else I can do to release it. I dn't mind if you all as a reader didn't leave any comments, unfinished reading, condemn my entry or anything else coz I wrote here juz to calm me down from wht I feel during the writing. 

I know here is not the best place to release all my feelings, but I think it's better than I release to people around me coz I wonder it will getting worst since I'd a bit 'hot temper' such using annoying words ( ayat pedas). so I wonder it happened out of my control. 

But now I realize, I cn't be like this forever. I've to change my bad attitudes, I've to control my anger, I've to be friendly with people around me. hopefully you all can encourage me to be a good girl. please give me some comments or advise or even condemn abt my bad attitudes, abt my writings and many other things.

Some good stuff to share ( selingan utk diri sendiri) :

Doa Menghilangkan Rasa Marah : 

Doa Memohon Kesabaran : 

>>>> I appreciate a lot with anybody that realize abt my mistakes then comment or advise me abt it rather than leave me because of my unnoticed mistakes. 

Miss Arrogant with High Demand!!

Felt sick with some guys tht always asking me, "y u becomes too arrogant with me?" ufh, no idea wht should I reply coz I'm always like this and I dn't mind wht they describe abt me.. I'm an arrogant not now, but since I was at primary school. many guys fear to approach me coz I rarely give a pretty smile or bermanis muka.. 

But there had some guys try to approach me.. then, it's ok with me actually.. it was proven tht actually I not such a very arrogant, but in fact I not a talkative person with unknown person unless I feel comfortable with them at first sight! but not love at first sight k. never trust with it.. 

Allrite, to be comfortable, I hv my own characteristic listed so that I can decide whether to be arrogant or not. 1stly, I look at his style.. I like a simple guy but not serabai ye.. I very2 dislike guys with jeans londeh macam ramai guys pakai skrg nih. cawat seluar nk sampai kat lutut! menyampah tengok.. 

2nd, I dn't like guys tht too 'show off' especially for the 1st time meet. I'm prefer a low profile guy.. he not a famous guy.. the most I like is Mr Arrogant but a bit shy!! haha..suit la for me rite? he might not hv any relationship with any girls, like still origin la.hehe. 

3rd... enough lorh, can't publish here all the characteristic listed.hehe.. but a bit confess here, within this 2years, I didn't close with any guys even just in cyberspace except 'him' (dulu la). for now, I dn't chat with any guys at YM, FB or many other social networks. tht's y most of the time, my YM goes offline. chatbox at FB also goes offline for everytime. same goes to my handphone. very rarely my hndphone is ringing.. kalau adapun, comfirm la from my family or coursemate.. kuno sgt ke aku nih?? persetankan apa org nk fikir, yg pastinya aku xsuka layan org yg tak dikenali.. tht's y I always reject anyone tht add me as friend @ FB or YM contact. sorry ye.. tak kisah la org tengok and ckp, "cikitnyer friend dia kt FB, 300 lebih jer.. org lain beribu-ribu.." ada aku kesah?? 

Ok, base on the declaration above, no wonder people give me the title "Miss Arrogant with High Demand" rite? I'm proud enough with the title "Miss Arrogant" but quit disagree with "High Demand". ok, anyone can judge me whether the "High Demand" is a good title for me after read my 'high demand' listed below:

i.     I demand for a guy tht are dislike football. tak kisah la dia main or tengok je, then sorak2 pukul 3-4 pg...

ii.    I demand for a guy tht are doesn't smoking..

iii.  I demand for a guy tht are doesn't like over social with frenz, hanging out at shopping complex, kaki wayang, kaki karok, kaki snooker dan yg sewaktu dengannya..

iv.  I demand for a guy tht wake up early morning.. very2 dn't like guys yg bangun kul12tghri. aku pn kdg2 tido gak lps subuh tp paling lewat pun kul9.30 dh bangun.. kira boleh consider lg la kalau guys yg bangun dlm kul9.30 tuh!hehe

v.  and the most important is, I demand for a guy yg tak tinggal solat walau di mana dia berada.. tak de yg terlepas subuh nih! reject terus!!

Dah la tuh, cam nk cari calon husband plak entry nih! adeh.. 

avoid from 'coupling'... hanya selepas nikah k. insyaAllah... (selingan)

Mode : Baru balik dari Sogo and Jalan Tar, shopping kasut and tudung baru utk persiapan perkahwinan nak mula masuk kerja...

Tragedi

Dalam hidup aku sedari kecil, terlalu banyak kenangan pahit lagi payau. namun yang paling terkesan adalah 3 peristiwa yang mana dua daripadanya berlaku pada tahun 2005 dikala musim peperiksaan SPM. manakala yg satu lg adalah ketika aku berada di tingkatan satu, kira2 9tahun yg lalu. ketiga-tiga peristiwa ini memberi tamparan yang maha hebat buat aku yang seterusnya mencorak perwatakan aku hingga sekarang. 

Memang lumrah.. manusia sekeliling hanya tahu menilai dan menghakimi org di sekelilingnya tanpa berkeinginan utk mengambil tahu apa yg berlaku, apa puncanya setiap sesuatu itu berlaku.. mereka hanya tahu berkata "teruknya dia tu..," ataupun "dia tu xreti nak senyum ke?" mungkin juga "eei, berlagaknya budak tu!" atau "perasan bagus je dia tu!" atau "sombongnya dia tuh!" dan lain-lainnya.. 

Peristiwa penghujung tahun 2005 - terasa diri aku terlalu hina waktu tu.. di saat aku benar2 memerlukan pertolongan, aku terlalu daif tidak berdaya namun tiada satu pun insan yg sudi mghulurkan bantuan.. masih segar dlm ingatanku, keadaanku yg tenat, aku hanya berpaut pada dinding dan hampir merangkak utk bergerak, bersendirian.. sedangkan pada waktu itu ramai manusia yg lalu lalang di situ.. tak nampakkah mereka aku yg tenat tu? tak nampakkah mereka aku yg amat memerlukan bantuan di saat itu? 

Seminggu lepas perisiwa itu pula, satu lg peristiwa yg amat pahit utk ditelan hanya kerana satu pengkhianatan, janji yg dimungkiri.. aku ditinggalkan terkontang-kanting seorang diri di tempat yg asing pada waktu malam. sampai hati mereka itu.. aku hampir2 diculik dan dibawa lari.. aku juga hampir kehilangan maruah seorang wanita. aku cuma bernasib baik kerana masih dpt brfikiran waras waktu itu.. cukup sedih utk dikenangkan.. itulah pengkhianatan dari manusia sekeliling yg tak berperikemanusiaan.. 

Disebabkan dua peristiwa bersejarah ini, aku tekad, aku takkan jejak lagi ke sekolah tu dan aku takkan hadir sebarang reunion yg dianjurkan oleh mereka itu.. peristiwa ini menjadikan aku bangkit seorang diri, aku membawa diri dgn perwatakan yg aku corak sendiri, aku rasa aku tak perlukan sesiapa utk menemani aku.. inilah sebabnya aku tak pernah berkumpul dgn rakan2 sekolah aku slps keluar dari sekolah tu.. mungkin ada yg tertanya2 kenapa aku selalu tidak hadir reunion, itupun kalau ada yg perasan akan kewujudan aku suatu masa dulu. inilah jawapannya.. tak ramai yg tahu kemelut peristiwa ini sebelum ini.. yg tahu pun tidak sepenuhnya aku ceritakan..

Beginilah aku.. setiap kali aku terasa hati, dikhianati dan sebagainya, aku lebih suka membawa diri bersama kenangan yg tak mungkin luput diingatan juga bersama air mata yg kadangkala setia menemani.. aku lebih suka belajar menjadi keras hati.. lantaran itu, aku tak pernah menangisi atau meratapi sebarang perpisahan persahabatan kerana bagi aku persahabatan sejati tak pernah wujud. mungkin wujud dlm hidup org lain, tetapi tidak aku.. keadaan itu berterusan hinggalah aku dipertemukan oleh Allah Ta'ala akan dua org insan...

entry ini ada sambungannya yg akan merungkai siapakah dua org insan tersebut dan apakah yg akan berlaku seterusnya?? adakah hidup aku berubah selepas kehadiran mereka berdua atau sejarah kembali berulang?? apakah pula peristiwa pahit yg satu lagi??  aku akan ceritakan di entry akan datang...

Mode : menaip sambil menyeka air mata.. cett!!! aku benci air mata ini, tak perlu aku bazirkan air mata utk menangisi tragedi itu!!!

The Cruelest Exam!!!!!!!

Hohoho..... pertama kali dalam hidup rasa terlalu seronok jawab soalan exam yg terlalu kejam!!! buktinya, mcm2 status bdk2 actuary post kt FB.. antaranya, 

"nearly choke to death in the exam hall" - Malyanah, 

"EXAM TEORI RISIKO SSH GIILLEE OK??!" - Sarah, 

"sy rs nk "smbung blajar" lpas jwab xm td...:(" - Tarmiza, 

"MMG SUWEI BTOL LAA....benci.!!" - Azidah, 

"tak nak blajar dah wey..aduh..frust2" - Syafiq, 

"nk trjun tangga ibu zain aku rs" - Tarmiza, 

"bleh grad ke x ni? hadui, xtau la beb. frust mnonggeng la gni. xbest btol ending camni.haih" - Shafique,

"yg plg ak geram 2 teori kemusnahan 2 msk secubit jer ~ nk musnah otakku study bab 2, msk ckit gler!" - Fiza,

"dapat gard pum da rasa syukur lepas jawab exam td.." - Sufina

aku?? rileks sudaa.. slumber je aku tanya pd diri sndiri, "agak2 aku pass tak exam td?" huh! tipu la kalau aku boleh cool lg dgn soalan exam camtuh! akhirnya terpaksa kuakui kata2 Syafiq, "teori risiko model kemusnahan pointer!!!" rasa nk jerit kuat2x.. aaaarrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

kenapa aku kata exam yg terlalu kejam?? sbbnya soalan mudah giler, tp aku still xboleh jawab.. sebabnya tak hafal formula taburan PARETO!!! kenapa la dlm banyak2 taburan lain, ada taburan Gamma, Poisson, Exponent, Negative Binomial, Geometric, Normal, Uniform bla bla bla... tapi yg keluarnya taburan Pareto yg SANGAT4x jarang digunakan itu!!! dua soalan pulak tuh yg kedua-duanya guna taburan Pareto.. kalau formula taburan itu dihafal, gerenti boleh fullmark hampir 30marks!!! 

lagi 1 fakta kekejaman exam risk theory, bab Model Kemusnahan yg aku master sgt2x tuh keluar ckt giler, just worth for 10marks!!! dan part Pekali Pelarasan yg lebih master and banyak ditekankan dalam kelas langsung tak keluar dlm exam!!!! hoho.. terlalu kejam!!!!

The One

I got almost everything I want in this life easily.. But still didn't get ONE thing.. THE ONE is the most meaningful, the most I hope to get.. I willing to lose everything I had as long as I get THE ONE, but I'm not willing to lose THE ONE.. 

Sometimes I felt very give up and disappointed to put any hope to get THE ONE, but I have to be strong otherwise I can't reach my dreams. moreover THE ONE is a part of my dreams.. 

Today, I feel loser for once again when THE ONE is seems impossible to reach. so many times I'd try to get it, but failed! yet more frightening, THE ONE is seems goes more far away.. make me think I'll never get it forever, I think there is not any chance for me to get it..  this failure make me sick, depressed and loser...

THE ONE - how can I get you to be mine forever???? what else should I do to reach you? please don't make me crazy to think about you every single day I had.. Ya Allah perkenankan permintaan aku yang SATU ini..

Accidently I found this meaningful words.. owh, it gives me some spirit to wake up....

Hope is not closing of your eyes

to the difficulty, the risk,

or the failure.

It is a trust that -

If I fail now,

I shall not fail forever;

And if I am hurt,

I shall be healed.

It is trust that

Life is good,

Love is powerful,

and the future of promise.

Dah Hampir...

almost 3 weeks had been waiting... within tht period, many things have been done. let's check it out!!

1. Balik kampong

Date : 3-7th April 2010

Venue : Dabong, Kelate

there was great time gathered with my family especially my beloved mom n dad ( ma & abah ). besides, as usual.. melantak makan buah salak madu!!!! puas2 hati mkn salak kali nih.. biasa x banyak yg masak.. tp time aku balik tuh, byk la plak yg masak, dah la time tuh xde org sgt kt umah.. ape lg, melantak la puas2..hehe.. tp maaf la kt kwn2, aku bwk ckt je dtg cni, hnya insan bertuah je yg sempat merasa.. yg lain2 jgn kecik ati ea, nah, aku bg kt korang!!!!

sedap wooo....

masa 2 jugak, byk la durian, rambutan, manggis, mangga, jambu, dokong, langsat, bla bla bla tgh masak ranum.. eh, belom lg, tgh berbunga dan berputik.. around bln 8 ni kot bru msk... 6t jemput2 la sape yg nk dtg kt umah aku melantak mkn buah2an 2 sume..

2. Tautan Kasih Exco PERDANA 08/09

Date : 9th April 2010

Venue : Pork Dickson, N9

I thought there was a great event since all of us as Exco PERDANA so long never meet each others.. but it look just 10 persons join it.. huh, tak syok ah!! yeke tak syok?? ekeleh, small matter la, kita orang enjoy habis....

barisan Exco yg join..

aweks yg cun..yeke???

there was many activities we were joined.. there was BBQ, kayaking, naik pencil, mandi pantai bla bla bla.... pendek kata sehari suntuk enjoy je.. smpai burnt gak la kulit yg dah xberape cerah dh ni!! tak jeles ke weh Exco PERDANA yg tak join tuh??hehe...

bersedia untuk berkayak ke tengah laut.. penat sieyh main benda nih!!!

nak berlumba...

bersedia sebelum naik pensel round pantai..

whohoho....best!!!!

BBQ dgn 4 ekor ayam utk 10 org..hebat lah!!!

3. Actuaries With Steamboat

Date : 15th April 2010

Venue : Liki Liki Restaurant, Danau Kota, Gombak

berkumpul di masjid UKM sebelom bertolak dgn 4 buah kereta

Punya la jauh jln2 semata2 nk cari makan jerk???? itulah yg dikatakan jalan2 cari makan.. for this time, most of malay actuary students joined this gathering.. mcm nk pecah rekod je bla berjaya buat gathering cmnih!! at first, I just put 40% expectation tht this gathering will be succeed.. mana taknya, habis bergaduh2, berguling2, bermasam muka, berkutuk2, bertarik rambut, berterajang segala bagai..lebih2 plak aku nih, padahal berbincang dlm FB je nk wt event nih!!! akhirnya jadi jugak..alhamdulillah...

melantak tak hengat dunia....

We arrived there at 8.00pm.. at tht time, my stomach felt krok krek krok krek.. lapar weh, dari tgh hari xmkn semata-mata nk sumbat steamboat nih!!! whoa... puas hati la mkn mcm2 kt situ.. yg paling bestnya steamboat ayam yang diperap dgn lada hitam tuh, best dowh!!

dah kenyang..bergambar la plak..

Girl Actuaries..

ha, kalo nak tau, bdk actuary nih jenis tangki besar.. berkali2 tambah aym, udang, sotong dll.. last2 buang dlm longkang sbb xhbs.. bkn group aku ea.. tapi kan, kt restoran nih lain cikit, tatau la kalo kt restoran lain gini gak.. steamboat tuh kita boleh amik je banyak mana nk makan, dia buat makan secara buffet la.. tp kalo xhbs makanan dlm pinggan 2, akan dikenakan caj lain, denda la kot.. jd kita byr RM20 per person, then mkn je sebanyak mana yg kita larat nk telan..besh dowh!!!

b4 balik UKM, kita org ronda2 la plak kt The Curve, Alamanda, and last skali take a supper plak kt Mapley @ 3.00am!!!! tak pernah2 aku buat keje cmtuh, enjoy smpai pg buta baru balik.. kalo mak aku tau la anak dia cmnih kt cini, nanges la mak aku kt kg tuh!!!! maaf ma, tamo buat lagi bnda2 cmnih...nyesal!!!

****************************************

ok, dh hbs citer... tapi ape yg dah hampir tuh??? lama sgt menanti smpai 3minggu??? my final exam la.. esok aku baru start exam, first paper.. paper Bahasa Arab..rileks sudaa.. haha..poyo jerk!! lusa pulak ada exam Risk Theory..yg ni xboleh rileks lg... hmm, org lain ada yg dah hbs exam dah, aku baru nak start.. memang bosan giler r nk habiskan stdy week selama 3 minggu tuh!!! tu sbb aku enjoy sakan.. dah la tesis siap awal, coursemate aku yg lain sibuk ngn tesis lg masa stdy week tu.. tp aku dah setel sume.. jadi, selain stdy sikit2 keje aku cuma makan, tido, blogging, jalan2 bla bla bla....

owh, akhirnya... exam dh hampir....

Mode : dah 3 hari dapat selsema yg teruk + sore throat, pening2 lalat...

Adeh, Malu Gilos!!!

Kisah ni brlaku pd awl tahun bru nih.. time 2 aku dr kg nk dtg balik UKM, dh puas brcuti n ternak badan kt umh slma sbulan lebih.. spt biasa, aku naik train sbb tiket dia murah gler, RM17 je dr Dabong ke Kajang!! seyes.. lgpun stesen ketapi dkt sgt2 je ngn umah ak kt Dabong tuh.. mmg sape2 yg dtg dr jauh nk hiking gng Stong akn naik tren n trun kt Dabong.. kira femes jugak la kg ak tuh!hehe.. tp  ak bkn pnduduk jati kt c2, imigrate je.. seingt ak, ak pindah sana msa umur 6thn.. b4 tu tinggal kt Wakaf Bharu, Tumpat.. jauh 2 brhijrah.. mknanya aku bukan org ulu tpt jin bertandang tuh! aku org hilir jugok weh!!

panjang rupanya train nih!! patot la org panggil kete lipan, tp lipan pendek jerk!! 

ok, dh hbs intro.. masuk kpd title of the entry.. continue drp naik tren td.. as usual, aku sorang diri je, so mmg tatau la sape insan brtuah yg bakal duduk kt sebelah seat aku tuh! tiap kali nk naik tren, aku salu doa smoga bukan laki yg dok tepi ak.. takot siot nk tido.. 

pd malam 2, naseb baek la pompuan dok sblah aku.alhamdulillah.. lps letak beg, pakai sweater, pakai stokin tebal, sumbat telinga ngn earphone, tutup muka ngn top sweater then terus tido.. aku salu cmtuh, mls nk borak2 ngn org sekeliling.. apatah lg bdk2 laki yg dk pheewiiit cm panggil burung g2..uh, xlayan!! ak mmg belagak ngn bdk2 laki, salu wt muka samseng jerk!

tgh aku sedap2 tido, ad plak org kejutkan aku n ngaku seat yg aku duduk tuh seat dia.. msa 2 dh sampai jerantut. aik, cne bleh jd cmtuh? biasa kalo tren xprnh clash gitu. then aku check la tiket aku, betol dh. dia pn tnjuk tiket dia.. aik, betol gak seat tuh! aiseh, pe dh jd nih? 

msa tuh rmai gak org len msuk cmpur.. last skali compare tiket.. aku dh kecut sbnarnya.. kot2 aku yg silap coach ke hape.. ps2 ad la sorang mamat yg dok brdekatan ngn aku terperasan something yg buatkan aku terpksa mengalah akhirnya.. 

rupa2nya, seat kt tiket aku 2 mmg dh btol, yg x btolnya adalah TARIKH tiket 2.. tiket aku bertarikh malam b4 kejadian!!! adeh, malu gilos time tuh!! tatau nk letak ktne muka nih.. cane la aku bleh trtukar tarikh cmtuh! last skali aku trpaksa la bangun n duduk kt tepi pintu skali ngn bdk2 len yg xde tiket ( naik lompat).. adeh!!

lps drp peristiwa manis tuh, aku cukup berhati2.. tamo pisang berbunga n berbuah dua-tiga kali..xrela!! next time ingat, tengok tarikh tiket btol2x!! abg n kakak aku gelak brguling2 bila tau peristiwa tuh!! huh!! 

moral : belagak la lagi ea Cik Yanna ooi....

They Were Back!!

Sejak aku tukar title blog ni, sudah berkurang reader blog ni, xjmpa cari kot..

Akhir2 ni aku rsa byk perubahan yg brlaku dlm hidup aku.. a good changes actually.. well, everything change by the times move forward.. so, xhairan la kan..

Tp yg paling ketara adlh rmai insan2 yg prnh wujud dlm hidup aku b4 ni trying to come back to my life rite now.. siapakah mereka?? no need to answer..

Actually, it a small matter 4 me utk trima dorang balik dlm hidup ak n menjalani hidup cm biasa. tp hati ni, sbnrnya masih terasa sakit dgn apa yg dh dorang buat kt aku b4 ni.. nk kata brdendam, aku rsa x.. cuma aku xbleh lupa apa yg mrk2 buat..

aku perasan, aku kerap cakap yg annoying dgn mereka bla mereka tuh tegur aku.. aku ni mcm dh jd stone heart.. aku ckp cm dh xder perasaan.. aku suka smash every single word yg mereka ungkapkan dgn xder rsa brsalah ckt pn.. dasyatnya ak ni kan..

sbnrnya dulu2, aku amat3x brharap one day, org2 yg pernah menyakitkan hati aku, hina aku, sumpah seranah kt aku, brmusuh dgn aku, khianati aku bla bla bla.. aku hrp sgt mrk2 tuh kembali dlm hidup aku n juz forget all the past..

tp bila ia btol2 dh brlaku, ak rsa tawar hati.. ada yg add aku kt FB, tp smpai skrg aku x approve.. ak dh tawar hati nk contact dia, nk jd kwn dia, n klo boleh aku nk hilangkn memori pahit aku ngn dia tuh! seyes aku xbleh lupa...

lg 1, some1 yg dulu2, 3tahun yg lalu, punya la baik ngn aku, share itu ini, borak dr mlm smpai pg, tido sekatil, berutus-utus surat segala bagai.. tetiba senyap cm2 je.. then akhir2 ni muncul balik, elok2 je tegor aku cm xde problem pe2 b4 ni.. ni jenis chipsmore ke hape???

ad lg 1 plak, dkt stgh tahun menyepi dr aku tetiba muncul.. bkn main dia kutuk aku, sindir2 dgn kata2 sepedas lada hitam tuh, then blah gitu jer.. but now, tetiba muncul semula n tanya "pe citer skrg nih??"

bg org2 cm mereka tuh, tlg la jgn terkejut bila aku jwb soklan tuh dgn ayat romantik cmnih, "biasa je, aku hidup lagi.."

kesimpulannya, amaran bagi sesaper yg dh pernah pergi dr hidup aku n nk kembali semula, aku boleh je terima korang balik, tp sila bersedia dgn 'ayt2 jiwang' aku yg boleh meyirapkan saluran darah anda!!!

note: aku dh jd semakin ego, sombong n xder perasaan, makin la xde saper nk dekati aku.. ah, lantak ah, ad aku kesah????

Tiada Lagi Sepi

Finally I got new name 4 my blog.. "Menggapai Impian" a.k.a reaching the dreams.. I felt very comfortable with tht.. Quit a long time trying to find a good title to replace "Pengembara Sepi". wht happened to "Pengembara Sepi" actually? I've to throw it away since my life is like very lonely, loser n etc.. cam terkena badi lak ngn title 2.. hidup aku jd cm suram jer..

Now, "Menggapai Impian" seems gives me inspiration, spirit, and strength to survive n reach all my dreams.. even most of my dreams had been broken into pieces before, but now I've to rebuilt the dreams over again.. I realize tht something different was happened to me lately.. no idea wht kind of thing, but it can make me pretty smile n happy without any doubt anymore.. Also realize tht most of my little dreams become true within this 2weeks.. I praises to Allah for His given to me..

As I mention before, in this entry, I'd a lot of dreams. the dreams tht are listed in tht entry just a part of my dreams. I hv many other dreams, some of them become true, some of them was destroyed, n some of them still become as a dream..

but, I hv ONE dream, it's a great and meaningful dream. I'll try my best to reach tht, I'll never gv up. no matter wht, I'm willing to face it by my self.. I'll make sure tht this dream will becomes true, not just an empty dream. by the way, many people said, there's nothing with dreams, angan-angan je.. but I hv my own principle, without dreams, there r no goals in life.. with dreams, we hv something to do to live in much better..

"Dreams are like stars, you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to destiny."

Risk Theory

Note : anyone tht wanna buy insurance policy are encouraged to read this entry..

This is a subject for actuary student should be taken. I take this subject 4 this sem n right now, I'm struggling to stdy 4 final exam, this 23rd April. wishing gud luck to my self.hehe

this subject is abt calculate n forecast performance @ stability of insurance company. bt using the theory, especially ruin theory, we can predict whether a company can survive or not in the future by using total premium paid and claim for the current year. 

for early chapter, it's quit difficult to understand coz it seems not very clear for me. but when it near to final chapter, I felt quit easy to understand since it's used to apply in certain situations. now I realize, anything tht I learnt, I like to apply in real life, so tht it's easily to understand. 

by learn this subject, I realize this theory is not only limited to predict the stability of insurance company, but it is useful to predict our financial planning as well. I can see tht it can help us to plan our finance effectively.. 

by using ruin theory, any symptoms of a company tht will be destroyed will be detected early. so tht the company should take actions to recover before it really happened. this theory critically using statistic distributions, formula, and many calculations to get the result. hmm, so tired to memorize all those formulas....

the best thing I got from this learning is most of insurance company have their own TRICKS to make profit!!! most of people out there doesn't know abt it.. let me tell u all abt these.. (jgn ada org insurans bca sudah..=p)

as u all know, there are a lot of terms n conditions in agreement tht u MUST read b4 buying the policy. not just read actually, u all have to deeply understand!! actually there are some kind of policies tht offer a DISCOUNT to renew the policy after the policy had been expired after one year. u all PLEZ don't pretty trust the discount offered. 

the offer is valid if u doesn't make any claims within the period of policy. normally, this situation happened to term insurance such as motor insurance, health ins. n etc. base on the agreement, if u make any claim, u wouldn't get any discount for the next year premium paid. 

secara mudahnya, 4 this year, u paid premium RM200 monthly. if u doesn't got accident n doesn't make any claim 4 the whole year, u will get discount, so tht u just pay less than RM300 for the next year myb juz RM250 if u want to renew the policy. this payment will reduce in several levels. 

by the next years, myb 2 or 3years later, u may pay the premium RM75 monthly coz u didn't make any claims. but, at tht time, suddently u got an accident n u make a claim. next year, your payment automatically reach RM300 @ RM250 per month for once again.. 

as a nutshell, I can see tht by this tricks, policy holders ( pembeli polisi) might think twicely or more b4 making a decision whether wanna make a claim or not.. so, klu kerugian yg kecil2 tu, policy holders are not willing to make any claim la. just paying the premium every year without make even a single claim.. rasa tertipu kn..

so, the best way is, never buy any policy insurance..haha..xdela, u all must think smart la.. as I know, Takaful insurance is not like tht.. they hv their own strategies, they pay dividend 4 those who are not make any claim within a year.. 

another way is, learn risk theory.. there have a formula to decide whether to claim or not when any losses occur.. I'm not mastering enough for tht part right now.. still hv a week to go before I'll apply those kind of things in my exam soon.. hopefully I can mastering this subject by this week..insyaAllah...

All About Actuary

I'd post an intro abt my pathway in actuary in previous entry here. so now, I gonna share further abt actuary after almost 3years stdy in this field.. I divide this entry by 5parts : salary, exams, educations, skills, and career.

1. Actuary Salary

This is the best part for everyone to concern. base on the latest ranking at UK, actuary is the 6th highest paid salary ranking, which is in medium they can reaches $129K annually ( in Dolar ) @ RM412K annually ( times 3.2). means tht actuary will get RM34,000 monthly!!!! so, attention to everyone, no matter who u r, even u r PETRONAS employees, masters @ PHD holders, Dato' or whtever la, xyah nk berlagak ngn actuary ye. (ada sedikit nada riak di situ.. )

but.....

xleh riak sgt...

2. Professional Exams

It's not very easy to achieve such high salary like tht.. actually, actuary salary is depend on how many papers of professional exams had been passed. there r many types of pro exams, but SOA exams is the most familiar. for 1st stage, there r 8series of SOA exams. each paper's fee is range from $200 (= RM640) to $2100.hoho..murahnye kn!!!

One more thing, it's not such easy as ABC to pass the exams. most of my fren take more than once to pass. ada yg amik 3x pn fail lg.. aku?? xleh gtau, secret... 6t aku dh pass byk paper bru bleh wt surprise.hehe

to pass all the exams, it deserve high sacrifies.. no movies, no hanging out with fren, no gelifren, no boyofren, no games, n etc.. there r just stdy, stdy n stdy.. when we pass one @ two of any exams, the salary is equivalent to master holder's salaries even we r fresh graduate. the salary will increase with increasing number of exams passed and experiences.

Then, after we passed all of 8papers, there will have another series of papers tht should we take to becomes fellow. fellow ni la gajinya mncapai RM35K sebulan..

3. Educations

There r a lot of univ in overseas offer this course. but in Malaysia, only 5 IPT offer this course tht are UKM, UiTM, USIM, UTAR, and INTI College. UKM is the highest demand, tht's y it deserves high qualification too. matriculation students must get CGPA 4.00 to apply this course.

So far, there aren't any univ in Malaysia offer for Post Graduate ( Master Degree) in Actuarial sc. so, I hv high chance to further my stdy to overseas. it was my dream since I was childhood. I've my own plan abt this.. but b4 tht, I've to change my attitudes, my habit and other bad things to reach the top!

4. Skills & Study About

3 situations happened when people ask me, "what course u r take?" and when I replied, "actuary," here are their responses :

i. people doesn't know anything abt actuary, "kau kena belajar berenang ke?" @ "teruknya keje 6t kt kuari,"
ii. people doesn't know but wanna cover theirselves, "ooooo..," dlm hati, "ape benda 2? xprnh dgr pn..."
iii. people know abt actuary, " whoa...." with big opened eyes n mulut ternganga.....

Actuary student learn a lot abt applied mathematics. very good in mathematics is must bcoz it is critically used to apply all the knowledge in real life. it also stdy abt how to design a new policy for insurance, calculate premium for pension scheme, make a profit testing and forecast the mortality.

Besides, strong computer skills especially in programming also important coz it is used to calculate n process the data, forecast, analize n etc. pendek kata keje actuary ni dok depan komputer je...

5. Career

Actuary's job scope is abt analyze statistical data, such as mortality, accident, sickness, disability, and retirement rates and construct probability tables to forecast risk and liability for payment of future benefits. May ascertain premium rates required and cash reserves necessary to ensure payment of future benefits. by using statistical data and mathematical method, actuary apply all those things to access risk in the insurance and finance industry.

 There r two types of actuary. 1st, a pointed actuary tht's the one had passed all the professional exams. and another one is 'disappointed' actuary tht are not passed any exams and shift their career in other path.. actually, a 'disappointed' actuary still can survive and built a good career in another field as well. they hv  a wide employment opportunity in financial institutions such as bank, KWSP, insurance company, BSKL, investment field, land & properties, n etc.

That's all abt actuary. further detail, u all can find here.

"Risk is a part of actuary, that's why rich becomes a part of actuary as well."

Patah Hati

Di saat aku patah hati,

Di saat aku putus asa,

Di saat aku lemah semangat,

Di saat aku hilang pertimbangan,

Tiba-tiba aku dipujuk

Dengan Nasyid ini....

************************************************

Kau tidak seperti dulu

Yang ku kenali dulu

Rupa hilang seri
Manakah manisnya

Kau tidak seperti dulu

Yang ku kenali dulu

Madah tak berlagu

Manakah girangnya

Patah hati

Jangan terdampar sepi

Jangan tersungkur mati

Patah hati

Jangan leburkan mimpi

Jangan memakan diri

Bukankah Tuhan ciptakan malam

Untuk beradu menanti siang

Bukankah Tuhan titiskan hujan

Menanti limpah kemarau panjang

 

Album : Nota Cinta
Munsyid : Saujana

http://liriknasyid.com

klik sini utk download

**********************************

 

Bila aku mghayati liriknya, barulah aku sedar bahawa aku tidak seperti dulu, aku dh byk berubah.. rupa2nya trlalu jauh dan trlalu lama aku melayari perasaan.. I realize lately, I always annoying people around me, always being alone, always ignoring my frenz.. even I'd broken heart, supposely I shouldn't think too much abt tht, otherwise it might being worst..

 

 

"Biarpun patah hati, jgn terdampar sepi, jgn tersungkur mati, jgn leburkan mimpi, jgn memakan diri.."

Abang, Ayam, Itik, Serati.......

" Abang call ayang ke tadi?"

I got this msg today early morning from my old fren.. erk, hmpir trmuntah when I read the msg, dhla silap send msg kt aku, ayt plak ntah hape2 g2..ee..meluat aku!!! then, with annoying words (ak kn suka sakitkan hati org..), I reply tht msg...

" pehal ngn abg ayang itik sume kuar ni?? bla nk kawen nih???"

xlama pstuh, "Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar Allah..Lailaha illallah..." tht my msg ringtone la.. lagu Always Be There from Maher Zain.. she replied my msg like this..

"baca la sampai bawah..10/6"

erk, ad sambungan ea?? naseb bek xdelete lg msg tuh... full msg:

"Abg call ayang ke td?

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

90% MEREKA YG SUKE BACA MSG TAK ABIS akn reply msg ni.. send kt kwn2, kite tgk sape yg kene!!!ehehe.."

erk, aku terkena rupanya..ciss!!!!

"10/6" 2 ape plak?? she will get married at 10th June 2010.. there were 4persons in my 'geng' when I was studied at SMU(A) Jerimbong abt 7 years ago.. one of us had been married last 2 years n had a little baby boy last year. for the other one, i'm not sure whether she is still single o not coz I had been lost contact with her since I was moved to new school, SMKA Wataniah.. so far I didn't heard any breaking news abt her wedding yet.. so I assume she not married yet la..hehe.. means tht, from 4, there are 2 left tht are still single-mingle.. tapi.....

tepi kiri dh kawen, tepi kanan dh nk kawen, yg tengah je tgh wt STP
( Sijil Tunggu Pinangan)

Persoalannya..... bila plak turn aku????? Jawapannya, ku pujuk diri begini.........

"Biar hidup sendiri dan selesa membina pahala daripada hidup berdua tetapi menjadi pencetus dosa ke neraka.
Biar hidup seorang dan berenang menuju TUHAN dengan selesa dan bahagia, daripada hidup berdua dan merasakan diri masih menggoda untuk semua.
Biar hidup sendiri dan masih kekal serinya daripada dikelilingi lelaki tetapi telah hilang maruah diri.
Biar lambat bertemu jodoh tetapi tinggi peribadi daripada cepat jodohnya tetapi tidak lama ditinggalkan pergi.
Biar menjadi rama-rama dengan sayapnya yang terang dan indah daripada sang kelkatu yang menerjah api."

Lonely Traveler

I'm different..that's y I becomes lonely traveler.. so long had been waiting for some1 to ask, y "Pengembara Sepi"? finally, 1 of my fren ask me that qs. the answer is coz I'm different.. I'm different from others, I'd a different soul, something tht I never found from any of my fren. It was happened continuosly till I met 'him'.

I realize no one understand me, understand my soul and everything abt my life. I didn't blame anyone, it all my fault coz I'm different one.. I dn't like to be a part of modernization's victims, I can't stand with crowded peoples, I can't stand with fast food, I dn't like heavy social party such dinner, birthday party bla bla bla.. 

ya, sometimes I've to be flexible n I try to be like tht, but it was so cruel if I being like tht for the whole of my life.. I've my own life, no one have a right to force me to do something tht I dn't like. I've my own principles, my own interest.. people must respect my principles as I respect their own principles. it's fair rite?

I know and I'd been understood all the risks tht I'll facing coz of my difference. I realize when I being like this, I wouldn't hv many frens. yes, it happen not even right now, but it was happened long times ago.. coz not much people like to be alone, like to live in truly nature, like to observe the universe n etc. rarely meet with people like this rite?

am I lonely? yeah, can't deny tht kind of thing.. and I'd try to find some1 tht hv the same soul like me.. but never found it. wht abt 'him'? I thought I'd found wht I'm looking for since all the 'characteristics' available to him.. but I was wrong.. he just like others, not understood as well.. 

I thought the loneliness will disappear from my life after met him. but again, I got wrong.. in fact, he made me more lonely after he's gone.. so now, for once again, I becomes lonely traveler...

"I've got everything I need except a man. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone."

Self Motivation

Salam Jumaat...

Today I'm gonna share with u all a bit mind motivation tht I got from motivation talk by Ust. Amin Idris at masjid UKM last nite. who's Ust Amin? ala, yg salu kuar kt TV1 tu ler.. kalo nk brkenalan dgn lebih lnjut ngn Ust Amin nih, bleh la link kt sini, www.aminidris.com. at first, I don't know who will give the talk, I juz know there will have a motivation talk. seems my spirit going down to empty level, haven't any mood to study, so I decide to go there, perhaps I can built a bit strength to make a preparation since my final exm is around da corner. 

Actually I won't to 'membebel' too much, juz like to share a bit interesting part from the talk. the best part is the story abt "a mom and her sons." alkisahnya, the mom having 3 sons, Abdul Wahab, Abdul Wahub, and Suziana Ahmad. one day, the mom got an 85th birthday celebration party. so the three sons give a great n very expensive present to their mom.

Abdul Wahab give a Ferrari car, while Abdul Wahub give a Harley Davidson Motorcycle. and the youngest son, Ahmad give a parrot, harganya RM500,000. this parrot very special one coz it can sing over 500 kind of songs, not the polyphonic but truetone g2.. bkn 2 je, boleh azan lg, siap boleh setting nk dgr azan dari mana, dari mekah, malaysia bla bla bla.. 

Then, 2-3days later.. the mom wt la mjlis kesyukuran.. during the ceremony, she give a short speech.. she said, 

"to my eldest son Abdul wahab, thanx a lot coz giving me the fancy car. I really appreciate it.. unfortunately, my driving licence had been expired by 35 years ago.. so I can't use it by myself.. "

"to Abdul wahub, thanx u very2 much coz giving me the motorcycle, dh lama mak nak motor 2, skrg baru dpt..  but again, unfortunately I'm very2 old to becomes 'minah rempit' right now.. so sad.. "

"while to my youngest and beloved sons, Ahmad.. I'm very2 thanx to u coz u give me such a great present.. u give me the only one present tht useful to me. mak dah sembelih n made some curry for my lunch just now..very2 tasty meat, I never had a good taste like this before.."

agak2 Ahmad 2 trkejut x?? bkn main expensive he bought the parrot, buy at last, it just become as a dishes.. 

so, the lesson from the story is "something valueable is useless if we didn't know how to utilize it." same like us as a human, we have a mind, mind kita tuh sgt2 tak bernilai..eh cilap, tak ternilai harganya.. but if didn't know how to use it, it useless!!!! klo kita xreti guna mind kt tuh,  sama la mcm haiwan yg berotak tp tak berakal.. as a nutshell, remember, we have a brain inclusively with mind.. but the animal have brain without mind, just 'mind' differentiate us between the animal.. renung2kan dan selamat beramal..

sekian bebelan yana tazkirah jumaat pd kali ini...=P